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19/03/03
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USBOB  3 - 2  Spartak Bawsak

Picture the scene, a misty Wednesday night in Fortress Oval....ish. I say ish because technically it was an away fixture as the match took place on the pitch next to USBOBs home ground. Well, back to the scene, twas misty, and a good temperature for some cattle grazing, but also for football, and there were plenty of USBOBs (Un-Smashed Bottles of Buckfast) surrounding the pitch; and in the Bawsaks sacks!.....(bags)

I cant remember who kicked off, but I honestly feel that you can just about understand the happenings of the match without me telling you. If you cannot, im sorry. Fishing on a cold night can be dangerous. Well, after the kick-off, USBOB were looking in good shape for the win with James cutting up the midfield like a pair of scissors on heat! I started the match as a substitute but when I spotted the opposition illegally bringing on a 12th player, I acted fast and ran onto the pitch. When I say ran, I mean hobble.

USBOB had the bulk of the play and when Bawsak did threaten, our "Rock-Steady Security" in the form of Markus, Jamie, Crab, and Cambo were at hand to launchify the ball back up the park. Im afraid they werent wearing the "Rock Steady Security" bright yellow vest-type-things.

The opening goal came from Ross The Bossman Cross. No, seriously, he didnt hit it over! I cant remember the goal exactly but im sure it was down to some beautiful link up play and some downright pish goalkeeping by their so called "goalkeeper". Personally I would call him a goalkeeper as well.

Ross did have a chance to put us two goals ahead but somehow he managed to rocket the ball over the bar from 2 feet away with no keeper in sight! Lets just blame the mist.

The Bossman eventually struck again 15ish minutes later for his second goal of the night which brought his Semi-Semi-Amatuer goal tally up to 9! Yes, 9! Now, I know what youre thinking: "Why do swans float on water", and "Do I know what im talking about". The answer to both these questions is: "It is due to the shape of the swan, and to the density of water."

The second half couldnt have come soon enough for the Bawsaks, with their team looking extremely tired. When we changed halves at half time, there was the sweet aroma of "Buckie" behind the goalposts when we arrived at them. But there were no USBOBs or SBOBs.

The second half trailed on, with myself leaving the pitch to attend to my photographic needs. There was less USBOB goalmouth chances with James coming close and Russell hitting the post. Check the site for some of my action pictures of the teams in action. They may not be put on the site, but pester Russell and Markus until they are!

Markus left partly into the second half as he had to attend to some food with his name on it. USBOBs back line looked a bit shaky after this, resulting in two goals for Bawsak. Both goals were identical and were due to some Schoolboy errors from Lroy. He may be forgiven for making these errors as he is still a schoolboy. As the goals were identical, I will only describe one of them. I cant remember who scored for them, but lets call him Dug. Dug got the ball on the edge of the USBOB box, he shot, Lroy felt the urge to just about drop to his knees and palm the ball into the goal. Lroy said: "I tried to put it over, but im too used to 7-a-side nets, so...". Not very spectacular, but come on, it isnt USBOB!

The winning goal came from JAAAAMMMMESSS!!!!! What a strike! Well placed, like a well cooked fish! I remember thinking: "Hmmmmm, do golfers still eat roast potatoes?" I think that is a good thought to sum up the goal.

Well, there you have it. Another USBOB victory, and we managed it with some atrocious misses from Warney and Ross The Bossman Cross!

Matt the Cat

USBOB Squad                                     Bawsak/AAFC Squad
Lroy                                                       Ali Brown
Rab the Crab                                        Andy Ashton
Jamie 'the hunter' Hunter                Haggis
Markus                                                 Fat Clarke
Cambo                                                   Carruth
Matt the Catt                                        Gibby
Russell                                                  Marc Green
James                                                    Daren Fearon
Stevo                                                      Boax
Warney                                                 2 wee shaun guys
Ross the Bossman-Cross                  Aggresive Kev turned up for some reason
Gillies
Frig
Tweedie (turned up v late)