OFFICIAL VISIT TO SRI LANKA

As many of you know, Usbob like to keep one step ahead in the race for world peace. As a major contributor to the peace process, every so often, Usbob like to send players to less fortunate places in the world.

This year, centre forward Steven Livingstone travelled to Sri Lanka to help with regeneration of the country after years of civil war.

"It's great getting the chance to meet the people in the mix of things, seeing what Usbob, as a world superpower, can do to help impoverished African nations." said Steve.

The Sri Lankan PM was unavailable for comment on the official visit.

SFL OWL IN SWOOP FOR USBOB

News coming out of The Oval Football Pavilion over the weekend suggests that Usbob are being lined up with a move to the 3rd Division to replace East Stirling

"We can confirm that USBOB has been officially approached by the SFL. Talks shall be commencing in the near future concerning the terms of USBOB's entry into the Bell's Scottish 3rd Division. At the moment we are looking at the possibility of entry at the start of the 2007/2008 season." said Colin Usbobison late on Saturday night.

The news was leaked to press late on Saturday via an internet source, close to the SFL. - 5/2/06

USBOB SIGN COLE

First came the rock, then Andy, then Carlton but now comes Alistair.

The signing of the free agent and former Fud, Alistair Cole has finally been confirmed by the Usbob board today.

"Have you ever seen Man on Fire? Well that's how I feel. Well, the general felling of the whole movie but with a slight tendency to lean towards Fanning." said Cole before adding, "This has to be one of the best, if not the best film i have seen for a very, very long time. Had enough action to satisfy an fan, and yet the plot was very good. I really enjoyed the film, and had me hooked from start to finish."

But questions were then raised over the conditions of Coles contract after the release of some paparazzi photographs from the press conference. Usbob also launched their new improved badge, which could also suggest the signing of new sponsorship and kit supplier deals with Buckfast and German company Owayo. - 1/2/06

USBOB'S JAMIE DODDS IN FARMING "ACCIDENT"

Usbob's new striker, Jamie Dodds, is today recovering in hospital after being savagely attacked by a local farmer intent on ploughing a field.

"I was just out in a field looking for some hidden antiquities, possibly disturbed from the autumn harvest, when all of a sudden, in winter no less, some manic farmer type came as me hard with his big industrial tool"

Angus Urquhart of the Ayrshire Farming Council said "You've got to ask yourself some questions about this incident like, where? What? Why? Could it? Will it? Can it? How much? Only then can the council comment on this matter" -  16/1/06

MARK YOUNG SIGNS NEW DEAL

Usbob's up-and-coming right back, Mark Young has signed a new 5 year deal, keeping him at the club until January 2011. At a press conference at the Oval Football Pavilion today, Mark Young stated his desire to stay with the club

"Ever since I joined Usbob from AAFC, I have felt at home and I hope that in the coming seasons I can repay the club for their generosity."

Usbob's attacking midfielder, Matthew Dodds also added, "Mark has been vital to the teams success and it's great that he has decided to extend his stay" -  12/1/06